Situations happen, from hurtful comments to misunderstandings to errors in judgment to personalities clashing – these things can easily make for difficult relationships.

I think it’s fairly common to ‘surface forgive’ in order to smooth it over. But, when we ‘surface forgive’, we actually are still holding on to resentment and uneasy feelings on the inside. Surface forgiving is like stuffing down the hurt to block our vocal chords from speaking. And, when we ‘surface forgive’, we choose to just carry on, either by ending the relationship swiftly or by continuing it as if nothing happened. This wreaks havoc on our health and does no good in healing relationships, it may even deepen the wedge.

I know the old saying ‘forgive and forget’, but can we ever really do it without the practice of true forgiveness?

True forgiveness isn’t about just getting along, and doesn’t have to be about dumping the relationship entirely. It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about understanding that we are each imperfect, that we may not always see eye to eye, that miscommunications are a 2-way street. Practicing true forgiveness connects us as human beings- each of us is flawed, yet beautiful in our own ways.  We all put our foot in our mouth, don’t always say or do the ‘right’ things, make mistakes. I believe most people have good intent, but delivery or content may not always be ‘perfect’. It’s about understanding that people are affected by stress differently, and if they are going through difficult times, choosing to be compassionate, not defensive will change your perspective entirely.

True forgiveness is about recognizing that we all have a history that impacts our actions, and often our thoughts, and that there may be deep reasons another human being “is” the way he or she is, and none of us are exempt from making mistakes. Instead, let go of the anger or frustration.

Let me be clear, I don’t think true forgiveness means we have to accept standards of behavior that are less than we deserve. If your gut is telling you something is unacceptable, you should remove yourself from the situation or release yourself from the relationship. And make peace with it, forgive, and move forward in your life.

True forgiveness sets us free, lightens the load that drags us down. So, today choose to practice forgiveness…release the uncomfortable feeling of discord, and instead listen with compassion, communicate with your heart, be gentler on both yourself and others.

What does forgiveness mean to you? How do you practice true forgiveness in your life?
 

Hurt, Healing, and Practicing True Forgiveness is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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“Why wouldn’t the boys and girls hold hands?” I would think.  The innocence of a child.

But as I got older, and I learned the harsh realities that other human beings have lived through, I felt an even stronger admiration for Martin Luther King, Jr. that he had the courage, the wisdom, the strength to speak out, to transform our country and the world.

I know that each and every single one of us, regardless of race, age, size, color, economic status- every single one of us has a story, has a history, has something to offer, something to give, to teach. I believe that our dreams should serve others, not simply ourselves. We are all connected, we are all important, each an integral piece of the puzzle. Martin Luther King, Jr. had dreams that he put into motion- they served millions of lives, and his words are still a catalyst for change.

Thank you is not enough. One day off from work or school is not enough. We must love and accept each other without judgment. We must “be” the change that Martin Luther King, Jr. paved the way for just 5 decades ago.

What dreams do you have? How will your dreams serve a purpose beyond yourself? What will you do today to take a step toward your dream?

Below is Just a Snippet of Some of the Wise Words from Martin Luther King, Jr.:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction…the chain reaction of evil–hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars–must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength To Love, 1963.

“Success, recognition, and conformity are the bywords of the modern world where everyone seems to crave the anesthetizing security of being identified with the majority.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love, 1963.

“A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr., Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community?, 1967.

Below is An Excerpt from “I Have a Dream” by Martin Luther King, Jr, delivered August 28th, 1963, at the Lincoln Memorial, Washington D.C:

“And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”2

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day — this will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim’s pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

Honoring Martin Luther King, Jr. is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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Little Miss Negative by Jennifer Tuma-Young | Make Your Own Book

Little Miss Negative Now Available on iPad & iPhone is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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The lyrics to this song say it all, because it is truly amazing what faith can do…

What Faith Can Do by Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you’re stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Morning Morning Get Up & Sing: What Faith Can Do is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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~ Winston Churchill

What will you give today? A smile, an ear, a hand, a compliment?

I know there are days where we can be on “auto pilot” with our own to-do lists piling up, but when we step outside of ourselves, our lives open up to so much more. Problems seem smaller, stress disintegrates, shoulders loosen, happiness comes from the inside-out.

Make a choice today to be present, and ‘give something’ to every person you encounter. Heck if you’re really feeling generous, you can buy the coffee for the person in line behind you at Dunkin Donuts!

I’d love to know how it changed your day!

What Will You Give Today? is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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I love this quote, and it’s so true! We hold the key to creating whatever we want in our lives, it really does begin with the way we look at things. By adjusting our “focus lens”, our experience in this world can completely change. A barren tree that once looked like despair can be seen as a beautiful shedding, a work of nature’s art, an exciting passage…everything in it’s own (sometimes really hard to understand way) is a blessing, and I believe it is one of the most difficult yet liberating lessons we must learn in life: to be grateful for it all, for what “is”.

Here are some other quotes on gratitude that I love:

One Simple Key Can Unlock Everything… is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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As I learned the story of Steve Jobs, I was an immediate fan. He’s a visionary, an inspiration, and not only revolutionized the world of technology, he is a life teacher – he’s endured rejection, set-backs, failures, naysayers…yet his passion, resilience, and ‘gifts’ graced us all. And, if you haven’t done so already, I urge you to take 15 minutes to watch his commencement speech to the students at Stanford University, How to Live Before You Die. He tells 3 stories that you must hear. My words will not do his justice.

He definitely made his mark on the world, utilized every ounce of creativity he was given, and so I dedicate this song to him, and everyone out there that has ‘gifts’ they are waiting to share – share them now. Leave your legacy, make an offering unapologetically, as Steve Jobs left his. Here is “Legacy” by Nichole Nordeman:

Life Teacher, Inspiration, Visionary…Steve Jobs is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation.

The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said, “I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone.”

“The Wise Woman’s Stone”
Author Unknown

The Gift of the Wise Woman’s Stone is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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I think a lot of us feel this way at times. So I just want to remind my favorite blog readers that you are perfect, just as you are…here’s a song that reminds us all what love really means. Every time I hear it, I sing it loud and just wish everyone around me would hear the words and believe it for themselves, too!

And if you want to sing along, scroll down, the lyrics are below the video…

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night “Dear God won’t you please…
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who’ll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me. I wanna go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said “I know you’ve murdered
And I know you’ve lied
And I’ve watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen I’ll, I’ll tell you that I…”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love, the love that you never knew

Love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love, the love that you never knew

Saturday Inspiration – What Love Really Means…. is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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I turned on the television the minute that the 2nd plane was hitting the towers. I did not know about the 1st plane, and my immediate thought was that it was an innocent yet horribly tragic accident.

But the following moments play like a blur in my mind, I just remember racing to the phone to call everyone I loved. First on the list that morning, my parents.

They were in Edison setting up our soon-to-be opening Curves location. With no television or radio hooked up yet, my call was the first they heard about 9-11. I was crying, and my mother (like me) thought it had to be an accident. As I rambled on about what the newscaster said and the vision I saw live on the morning news, my mother was in disbelief.

My whole family got together that day, went to church, prayed out loud. We went back to my parents home learning more and more as the hours that turned into days passed.

We are only about 40 minutes outside of NYC. Stories of friends and clients we knew emerged, who was on the steps about to walk into the office, who lost a loved one, who didn’t make it out, who missed the train that day and never made it to work. You can’t make sense out of any of it. You can’t understand why some were taken, others lived. There is no logic, and the “reason” we will never know.

I pray for peace. Peace of mind and heart for those who lost loved ones and peace for those who carry anger, or guilt, or sadness, or judgment, or weight of any kind. Peace for those who would stop at no end to hurt another human being. Peace for us to live without fear, to accept and love each other, even in our many differences.

“When I look out the window, I exhale a prayer of thanks for the color green, for my children’s safety, for the simple acts of faith like planting a garden that helped see us through another spring, another summer. I inhale some kind of promise to protect my kids’ hopes and good intentions we began with in this country. Freedom of speech, the protection of diversity — these are the most important ingredients of American civil life and my own survival. If I ever took them for granted, I don’t know.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver

My 9-11 Prayer is a post from: Inspired Girl* by Jennifer Tuma-Young

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